Let's Murder 'Forever!'
Why are we obsessed with forever? This idea that we need everything to last forever or it’s a waste of time… WHO STARTED THIS??!! I want names!!! Because every time a friend of mine goes through a breakup or some other major life change, I hear some version of “the worst part is feeling like I wasted two years of my life,” and all of a sudden, the years, in themselves, mean nothing, because there won’t be fifty more exactly like them. This is madness!
The path itself is worth something, and it doesn't have to look the same the whole way. Maybe some people are meant to have a several different callings. Maybe we’re meant to walk alongside something for a while, and then let it pass. Or maybe it needs to let us pass. Because permanence isn’t the nature of life. It’s man-made. And it puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on us.
I’m not knocking forever. If you have a calling or a partner that stays with you your whole life, I think that’s amazing. I’m just suggesting we go easier on ourselves when things don’t last forever, and maybe start by taking the word “fail” out of our vocabularies. No more "failed relationships" and "failed businesses," because change and failure are not the same thing. Endings and failure aren't either, but if we expect forever, anything with an ending suddenly becomes a failure. And we don’t need to be calling ourselves failures, when really, we’re still moving forward.
I think careers often come with a sense of failure if they don't last. And maybe this is just my experience, but I have seen this happen in creative fields in particular. Probably because they are often very public, unpredictable little monsters.
When I was living in Nashville writing songs, I had a meeting with someone at the Nashville Songwriter’s Association. I played him three songs, and he looked at me like a doctor delivering good news and said, “Well, you’re not crazy.” Always good to hear. What he meant was that he didn’t think it was totally out of the question that I could make a career out of this. He thought I had a shot at forever. But.. you don’t tell someone they aren’t crazy unless something in the situation brings them pretty close to crazy. It's like if someone has platinum blonde hair, you don’t say “your hair isn’t purple.” You might say that if her hair is dark pink and looks kind of purple in the light. You’d say it after careful examination and consideration, until you finally decided that although it’s close, it's not purple. That’s what happened here. Songwriting as a career could be perceived as crazy, but after some thought, he didn’t think I, personally, was. Thank you, sir.
When I was living in Nashville writing songs, I had a meeting with someone at the Nashville Songwriter’s Association. I played him three songs, and he looked at me like a doctor delivering good news and said, “Well, you’re not crazy.” Always good to hear. What he meant was that he didn’t think it was totally out of the question that I could make a career out of this. He thought I had a shot at forever. But.. you don’t tell someone they aren’t crazy unless something in the situation brings them pretty close to crazy. It's like if someone has platinum blonde hair, you don’t say “your hair isn’t purple.” You might say that if her hair is dark pink and looks kind of purple in the light. You’d say it after careful examination and consideration, until you finally decided that although it’s close, it's not purple. That’s what happened here. Songwriting as a career could be perceived as crazy, but after some thought, he didn’t think I, personally, was. Thank you, sir.
But I don't think songwriting is crazy. Even if forever isn't an option. What would be crazy is doing something I didn't want to do because songwriting might not last. When we take away the pressure of permanence, it’s a relief to realize how little is at stake. There is no other path I want or need to be on right now, so this is where I am. Creating, and loving every second of it. And if I someday switch jobs, it’s just a transition. It’s not a failure, because there is value in the temporary.
I was recently reading Truth and Beauty, by Ann Patchett, and in it, Ann’s friend Lucy writes to her about Romeo and Juliet. She says how a professor she knew explained a theme of the book to be that people “insist on taking moments in time and conditions of emotion that will eventually pass: anger, grief, and transforming them through actions into “forever,” irrevocable conditions, such as through a curse on a family or a person, or by suicide.” Humans have been doing this throughout history, but I think it's time we align ourselves with the nature of life, and start riding the waves until they pass. But first, let's murder "forever!"
If we must have forever though, let us be our own forevers. Let's not regret our choices, because each one of them has given us something and has made us who we are today. And who we will be going forward. Forever.
If we must have forever though, let us be our own forevers. Let's not regret our choices, because each one of them has given us something and has made us who we are today. And who we will be going forward. Forever.
Love Love Love,
Kat
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